Be Not Another
by Sugar144
Summary: In the wake of a life-changing plane crash and a belated rescue, ten survivors struggle to come to terms with who they have become. "Be not another if thou canst be thyself"
1. Rhanda's Cafe

Disclaimer- I wish I owned Flight 29 Down so it could be less G rated but sadly, it belongs to Discovery Kids.

"Stay away from me you sonuvabitch!"

"Oh come on Tay, don't be dramatic- you know she never meant anything to me."

"I don't know anything anymore." My timid voice shakes and falters.

"Oh come on baby," he grabs my wrist and tries to pull me towards him. My anger bubbles up again.

"Let go of me!" I cry desperately as I spasmodically flail around the arm he's gripping, trying to shake out of his steely grasp.

His drunken reflexes are lethargic. His grip loosens and I mange to pull away my arm. "Don't be like this baby." He steps toward me and his liquor soaked breath grazes my face.

"Go to hell," I spit out resentfully as I grab the door handle, twist it, open the door and walk out of his apartment for good.

I practically sprint down the corridor to the stairs. I have no patience for a snail-paced elevator. I run down the stairs two at a time, stumbling a couple of times because of my blurry vision. Tears have begun to well up in my eyes and it's none good for my eyesight. The emergency exit is in sight when I arrive at my final stretch of stairs. I race towards it and push. An ear splitting alarm sounds but I don't care.

The heavy door fans in warm, sticky air. I walk out into the humidity and jog to the next street corner. There, I sit down on a curb and grope around inside my purse for a pack of cigarettes. I find one and get myself a nice, relaxing cancer stick. A callus has formed on my thumb from working the safety lock on my lighter. I turn the wheel and press down, and a lick of orange flame rises from my hot pink lighter. I light my cigarette and put it pack in my purse.

A couple drags later I feel brand fucking new. It's like magic. I realize I left some stuff at his place but decide I'll deal with it later. I must look like a bum- makeup smeared, sitting on a curb, and smoking fucking camels. They're not even my cigarettes. I jacked them off of him out of spite. I close my eyes and take another long drag, then let the smoke seep out of every pore in my body. Like I said: magic.

"Those'll kill you, you know."

A look up at the source of the criticism and feel utterly shocked. "Jackson?"

He says nothing. I just look up at him, gaping like and idiot.

"How did you-"

"I'm visiting. I was walking back from a friend's house when I saw you sitting here."

"Oh," I say smartly. I always feel like a stupid kid when I'm around him.

"So what brings Taylor Hagan to this part of town?" Clearly no ones told him what's happened since he left.

I snort. "Nothing of importance- trust me."

"And the smoking- is that recent?"

"Fairly."

"Do you want some pancakes?"

"Sorry?" Jackson had clearly been smoking something at his friend's house.

"There's a diner close by. They make pretty good pancakes." He does a one up. "You look like you could eat something."

A wave of bone-crushing hunger washes over me. I realize I can't remember the last time I ate. "Sure."

We walk a couple blocks, mostly in silence, to the diner. Jackson spares little information about why he's in LA and I don't say much about how I wound up looking like a homeless person, parked on a curb.

The diner had annoyingly bright coloured lights out front spelling out: RHANDA'S CAFÉ. We walk in the door and a bell rings, noting our entrance. The décor was cheesy and the waitresses looked frumpy and old. It was all so 50's. Figures Jackson would find a gem like this.

"Hey y'all," a waitress says shuffling over to us, a big smile planted on her thin, cheap red lipstick wearing lips. "My name's Denise and I'll be your server today. Please follow me."

We saunter after her frantic waddling (she was rather big but insisted on sprinting everywhere), and I spare a couple looks in Jackson's direction. He hadn't changed. He looked perhaps a bit more mature looking but other than that, nada. He was the same old Jackson.

We sit down at the booth Denise led us to. We sit opposite from each other and look everywhere but at each other. I wonder who would speak first.

"So, how have you been Taylor?" Jackson's casual question gave me two options. Number one: lie. Tell him I've been great. Less drama and he wouldn't have to worry. Not that I thought he would anyway. Number Two: tell the truth. I always hated telling the truth.

"I'm great."

His look was scrutinizing. Apparently I didn't look 'great'. I didn't want any further questioning so I reciprocated.

"How have you been?" I fire the question back at him. Ha, let's see how he handles that!

"Fine." Of course he answered with one word. Some things never change.

"How are your new foster parents?"

"They're nice."

"And Texas? You like it?"

"Yeah, it's nice."

We both run out of questions. An awkward silence settles around us.

"Have you talked to any of the guys… since?" Jackson's question was barely audible and I wondered if I was meant to hear it.

"Not really."

He nods understandingly. "Have you?"

"I keep in touch by email with Lex."

Of course he did. They'd gotten close on the island. "How is the peewee?"

He smiles weakly. "He's good." I can tell he misses him.

"I guess you can visit him if you're here in LA."

"Yeah, I'm seeing him tomorrow."

"Oh."

Denise waddles back over to our table with a notepad and a pen and we order what we want. I order a stack of pancakes and a coffee: black. He orders the same.

After wolfing down my pancakes and chugging my coffee back, I make an excuse about having to get home. I offer to pay but he insists he's got it. We awkwardly hug goodbye and I dash out of the dinner into the night.

A/N: I think this is gonna be a three shot. I don't know. What are your thoughts on it? Reviews are appreciated :)


	2. No Margaritas

Disclaimer- if I owned flight 29 down, it wouldn't be so PG and defiantly wouldn't have ended.

I wake up with a pulsing headache. Shit. Maybe I shouldn't have had all that vodka. After I ate with Jackson at the diner there wasn't much to distract me… save for the mini bar in my room. And so my mind was sluggish and shielded with a drunken haze from most of the pending self pitying thoughts. Usually I would have opted for something stronger than alcohol (especially in this situation) but I didn't want to go out and run a pick up so I stayed tucked into my secluded hotel room with a caring bottle of hard liquor.

After what seemed like decades of laying in my bed still half drunk and in agonizing pain, a painfully loud series of knocks sound off from my door. I intended to ignore them- not being particularly in a mood to socialize, but they're persistent so I gave in. I slowly slide out of bed and take my time getting to the door. Upon opening it, I see serious faced Daley staring back at me.

"Daley," I say in half surprise and half dumb-stricken awe. I haven't talked to her in _ages_.

"Taylor," she answers in curt formality. "How have you been?"

"Um, good?" I honestly have no idea why the hell she's here.

"Good. Do you mind if I come in?" In regular Daley fashion, she walks past me without a word of consent into the confines of my living.

I follow her in a day-dream like state as she walks through my hotel room, surveying my mess and pursing her lips. I can tell she's not pleased.

"So I must tell you Taylor, I'm not here to dish on the latest gossip or drink margaritas. I'm afraid this is strictly business."

"What a surprise…" I mumble mostly to myself, amused by Daley's all too familiar rigour.

She pretends not to hear me. "Have you seen Jackson lately?"

Her question takes me by surprise. This, I had not expected. "Yes. I mean, I ran into him yesterday. Why? How'd you know he was back?" My questioning is bordering hysterical.

"Lex told me," Daley answers unfazed by my outburst. "And I just wanted to know if you had heard from him."

"Why?"

She shifts from foot to foot.

"Why Daley?"

"I was just… I was just wondering and…" Daley sputters nervously and I know she's hiding something. Daley never crumbles under pressure unless it's something huge.

"Tell me Daley." I command.

She looks me square in the eye. "It was your fault you know."

I feel uncomfortable under her scrutinizing stare. I want to tell her to get the hell out of my hotel room but the curiosity is eating away at me. What was my fault? Why did she want to know about Jackson?

"What are you talking about Daley?" I ask unable to keep the distaste out of my tone.

"I'm talking about Jackson. I'm talking about why he left."

I'm stunned and can't speak. What the hell was she talking about? No one knows why Jackson left. He just did.

"Why'd he leave then Daley?" I scoff.

"Because of you."

She throws the one thing at me that she knows I can't counter act or brush off with sarcasm. I just stand there giving her what I think is a very dirty look and she stares right back. She always knew how to hit someone where it hurts.

"I think it'd be best if you left." I can't look her in the eye any longer but I make my voice strong.

"You know Taylor; none of us have been the same since. But this," she motions to our surroundings, my hotel room, awash with mini vodka bottles and mess galore. "This is all you. So why don't you do us all a favour and grow up?"

She gives no chance for excuses or angry cusses- she stalks out of my hotel room as soon as she's finished speaking.

"Bitch." I mutter softly as soon as the door clicks behind her.

**A/N: I know, short chapter. I am sincerely sorry for the long wait but it seems I have chronic writer's block. Hopefully some of you guys can relate. Anyhow, please review and give me your thoughts. I know Taylor's OOC but she's supposed to be. **


	3. Lemonade

_Disclaimer- Sorry, still don't own flight 29 down_

"How many grams you want blondie?" The man asks me expectantly.

"Five."

"This is prime shit you know. Straight outta Columbia." The man informs me as he passes me the baggie. "So how you payin'?" His small yellow teeth chatter as he smiles suggestively.

Without words I take a wad of cash out of my pocket and gave it to the man.

"Alright, alright. Cash is just fine too." His disappointed face gives away his true sentiment on the situation.

I shove the small baggie in my pocket and walk towards the front door. The man's run down old house smells rank and I'm starting to feel dizzy from the fumes.

"Hey blondie!" He calls as I'm about to reach for the door handle. I turn around to him smiling devilishly. "If you're ever lookin' for a bit of fun and maybe some free shit, you know where to find me."

As if_._ I coolly walk out the front door and once again refuse to acknowledge his 'generous offers'. I open my car door and hop in. Although the sleek red convertible is less than uniform for the cars in this area, I hate public transit and hate taxi cab drivers. They're all nosey bastards. Besides, even if someone were to steal my car I'd just get my mom or dad to buy me another one.

While I was stuck on the island my parents' relationship was tense. They were both dealing with the loss of their only daughter and started to get snappy at each other. Mom thought dad could never understand a mother's grief of losing one of her babies. Dad thought mom could never understand a father's grief of losing his little princess. Needless to say, there was a negative vibe between them. As soon as I returned neither could forgive each other for being so self-absorbed and difficult. They got a divorce.

Then began the bidding war for my affection. Anything I wanted was mine. Sometimes I thought my parents had too much money to even spend. Despite all my new gifts it just made me feel emptier. The aftershock of crashing and rejoining civilization took a toll on me I guess. Dealing with my unrequited love for Jackson made me feel even shittier. Then of course, to put the cherry on top, my parents were getting divorced and absolutely resented each other. So I made my parents divorce work to my advantage. I would tell mom that I was at dads and tell dad I was at moms. I was free. I stay out as long as I want and live at The Beverly Hills Hotel in their penthouse suite.

I turn onto a familiar street and rack my brain for how I know it. I was in a nicer area now with decent sized houses on decent sized lots. It's a sunny day. Children frolic through sprinklers giggling the whole way through. I want so desperately for something to make me half that happy. A faint smile plays across my face as I finger the baggie in my pocket. Perhaps everyone finds their own bit of happiness in something. Mine just happens to be frowned upon and well, illegal.

I notice two young girls selling lemonade on the sidewalk. My throat suddenly feels dry. Without thinking too much into it I park my car and walk over to the stand.

"May I have a lemonade please?" I ask the girls sweetly. She fish a quarter out of my pocket and put it in the tin with a large construction paper money sign taped onto it.

The little Asian girl smiles at me and pours me a cup of lemonade. I gulp it down in one sip. The two little girls look seriously impressed.

"Courtney! I have more lemonade!" A voice declares. I look up to see Melissa Wu, walking down the driveway of the house behind the stand. Melissa's eyes wander over to mine and we made eye contact. After a couple of seconds of staring at each other, mouths agape, I finally managed to look away.

"Taylor…" Melissa says awkwardly as she approaches me.

"Hey Melissa. Long time no see." I say just as awkward.

"So um, what are you doing here?" he asks timidly with a hint of suspicion clear in her voice.

"I was just driving by and I decided to get some lemonade." I say nonchalantly.

"Cool…" Melissa says then looks at the ground. Shit. Awkward silence.

"You know it's weird," I say finally to fill the silence. "I've bumped into three people from the crash in the last two days."

"Who?" Melissa inquires. She's interested now.

"Jackson and Daley and now you," I answer.

"Jackson? You saw Jackson?" She says raising her voice in excitement or surprise. "Wait, did you go to Texas or something?"

"No… actually he's here in LA."

"Really? Wow, I haven't seen him in forever…" I can almost see the hearts in her eyes. Clearly the girl hasn't gotten over it… over him.

"Yeah well I know he's visiting Lex today," I say. I don't know why though.

She smiles. "They were always such great friends."

"Yeah." I agree. Envy is radiating off of both of us.

Shit, another awkward silence. I've got to say something. "So um I've got to go…"

"Well it was um, nice seeing you Taylor." She says and wears a smile that I know is fake.

"Yeah, you too." I mimic her smile.

I turn away and go to my car. I get in and drive away trying not to look back at Melissa. In a weird way it was actually nice to see her. Sometimes I think the island is a dream that I can't quite distinguish as fiction. It's nice to remember I'm still a bit sane.

My cell chirps beside me. "Hello?" I ask.

"Hey, it's Jackson." The voice tells me.

"Oh Jackson, hey." My voice squeaks.

"So I was wondering if you wanted to come to Lex's house. I told him I saw you yesterday and he says he really misses you. Do you wanna swing by?"

My heart swells. "Of course. I'll be there soon." I hang up the phone.

My hand immediately goes to my pocket and squeezes the baggie that's still waiting to be opened. I guess it'll have to wait till later.

**A/N: Oh sweet victory! I was able to conquer my writer's block. Thank god. So tell me what you think. Reviews are fun to read ******

**A/N2: Sorry about the spelling mistakes. It was late when I wrote it because the idea just came to mind. Don't worry though, I changed them. Please remember though that when correcting someone on their grammatical/spelling mistakes there is no need to overly rude about it. I didn't misspell those words to hinder your reading experience. Honest mistake people. **


	4. More Juice?

_Disclaimer- still don't own the show. Damn. Don't worry; I'm working on it._

"Taylor Hagan!" Susan Marin declares happily as she engulfs me in a warm hug. "It's so lovely to see you again! My, I haven't seen you since we did all those silly press conferences after you kids were rescued. How are you dear?"

"I'm great Mrs. Marin, thank you." I smile sweetly at her.

"Oh please, call me Susan. You must be here for Lex, am I right?"

"Yes."

"Well then please, come in." She ushers me in the door and rushes off into the hall. "Lex!" She calls up the stairs. "Taylor Hagan is here for you!"

A stampede begins on the hardwood floors upstairs as I assume Lex races down the stairs to welcome me. He emerges from the hallway and I bend down to give him a bone-crushing hug.

"Taylor! I missed you!" His voice is high with excitement. Or perhaps I've forgotten how high the little guy's voice is.

"Aw, I've missed you too." I coo.

Jackson coolly walks into the room and sees our prolonged hug. He smiles. "Hey Taylor."

Lex and I manage to detangle ourselves from our hug. I smile back at Jackson. "Thanks for inviting me to your little hang."

"Don't thank me, thank Lex for nearly exploding with excitement when I said I saw you the other day."

"Well then thank you Lex," I smile down at him as he grins back up at me.

"You've got to see all the things I've invented since we've been on the island!" He takes my hand and pulls me up stairs. I giggle at his boyish charm. It feels nice to giggle again.

He spends the next hour guiding me through every detail of his new machines. They're all far beyond my intelligence level so I just smile and nod along. I see Jackson doing the exact same thing. Jackson. I can't get what Daley said out of my mind, about why he left.

"I'm going to get a refill of juice." Jackson declares as stands up.

"I'll come with you." I say the words before processing them. "Because, ah, I want some more juice too."

We walk downstairs in silence. Upon arriving to the kitchen, Jackson walks over to the fridge and grabs the juice. I walk over and he takes my cup and fills it.

"Thanks." I say breaking the silence.

"No problem." He says putting the juice back in the fridge. "Thanks for coming today."

I smile. "I wouldn't pass up an opportunity to see peewee. I love that kid."

"I know."

I look down at my shoes. "Jackson… can I ask you something?" My voice is suddenly quiet.

He senses the seriousness of my tone. "Sure."

"Why'd you leave?"

He exhales loudly. I don't dare to look up from my Jimmy Choo's. "It's complicated."

"Was it because of me?" I squeak out.

"Taylor," He says loudly. I look up into his icy blue eyes. "Of course it wasn't. Why would you ever think that?"

I shrug. "Just a thought… I guess."

"Listen, things were just too fucked up. With everything that was happening between you, Melissa and me and the court case and all that media shit… it was just too much."

I nod while casting my eyes downward again. "Yeah, I get it."

"Now lets go back upstairs before Lex starts to wonder what's taking us so long."

"Ok."

**A/N: Short Chapter, sorry. Hope Jackson cleared some stuff up for you… a little bit. He never gave straightforward answers on the TV show anyway. So tell me your thoughts on the chapter please!**


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